Gavin used to wonder why our woman cell group can talk non-stop, so full of excitement and thus always ending late. He shared that in his guy's cell, it's totally different, as they are "short-and-sweet" (erh, I mean their sharings), however too "cool" at times, until there's an awkward pause.
Gavin observed that in a woman's group, there is no "chance" of silence, but everyone seems to have something to share or comment. Someone could be talking about a particular topic and the others would be jabbing in to share their experiences too.
Huh? That's not really new what? -- and it's not as if it's his first time encountering it .... Hmmm, I thought it's rather similar to our daily conversations. Often our kids would chip in and asked the most difficult question "WHY?". I would also sometimes cut into his conversation or thoughts, whenever my brains are processing at twice the speed of his detailed sharing.
At our first meeting, we have a good time breaking down the gender glass barrier. I read a summarized article on the above book on the different processes of thoughts between men and women.
"So des neh"! Now I began to understand why MAN DON'T GET IT (and I don't mean the tagline for UOB Lady's credit card!)
Excepted and slightly summarised ....
Men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti.
Men process life in boxes. If you looked down at a waffle, you will see a collection of boxes separated by walls. That is typically how a man processes life. Their thinking is divided up into boxes that have room for one box at a time and one box only.
When a man is at work, he is at work. When he is watching TV, he is watching TV! As a result of thinking through life in boxes, men are by nature problem solvers. They enter a box, size up the “problem” that exists, and formulates a solution.
In contrast to men’s waffle-like approach, women process life more like a plate of spaghetti. If you look at a plate of spaghetti, you notice that there are individual noodles that all touch one another. If you attempt to follow one noodle around the plate, you would intersect a lot of other noodles and you might even switch to another seamlessly.
That is how woman faces life. This is why a woman is typically better at multi-tasking than men. She can talk on the phone, iron the clothes, hearing the children making noise in the background, and signaling the husband to go and check on the kids in the room.
As a result, most women are in pursuit of connecting life together so they solve problems by talking things through. This creates significant stress for couples because while she is making all the connections, he is frantically jumping boxes trying to keep up with the conversation!
The man’s eyes are rolling back in his head while a tidal wave of information is swallowing him up. When she is done, she feels better and he is overwhelmed.
The other characteristics that create havoc in male/female interaction are the fact that most men have boxes in their waffles that have no words and no thoughts. These boxes are blank as a white sheet of paper. They are EMPTY! They help to relieve stress in his life, he will park in these boxes to relax.
Amazingly, his wife seems to always notice when he is in the park. She noticed his blank look and the relaxed posture he has taken on the couch. She assumes this is a good time to talk since he is so relaxed and so she invariably asks, “What are you thinking, sweetheart?”
When stress hits, a man also likes to escape to a favourite easy box to recharge. Most of these escapes actually are shaped like boxes: the newspaper, TV, computer screen, fridge and bed! If we give men time in the recharger, then they will have the energy to listen to us and carry life’s responsibilities.
When a woman is stressed, she likes to talk her way through the situation, making emotional connections. Guys, you will do well if you view the conversation as a journey she is going to lead you on. Just by listening to her heart, she may think you understand her well and will be a happier woman.
SO WHAT'S THE CONCLUSION?
YES, I'M VERY DEFINITELY A WOMAN, AND THE MAN STILL DON'T GET IT!
