Almost A Perfect 10

Boy! I can’t imagine I’m married for 10 years already! I was one of those late bloomers, where most of my coursemates were already going steady in their boy-girl relationships in the tertiary years, yet I was a swinging bachelorette. I can’t bear the thought of crying till my eyes popped out, especially if I have to send my boyfriend off to NS (National Service aka army) and then missing them badly. I told myself, I’ll find someone when I start working. I vividly remembered my ex-Poly Cell Leader, Johnny (He hates us calling him “Righteous Brother”) giving us advice to list down the criteria that we would like to see in our future life partners and to start praying for that special “someone” during our teens. Me being in the “young and sweet nothing’ age, began to ask God for :

A Christian partner, so that we can communicate in the same channel and if we can’t, then can at least bring it up to God, who will be my mediator and judge…hehe. Communication. Boy, his communication can’t be that bad, if he’s a Sales Executive, sure can have 2-way communications. Yah talking about sales, he used to joke that he stays 10 minutes away from Orchard Road. I thought WOW he must be staying around District 10, just 10 minutes walk away. Actually partly true that it takes about 10 minutes drive away, if we were to take the shortcut from Tanglin Road to go to Queenstown.

About 3 or 4 years older. But I think God could have heard me wrongly and gave me 3+4. But it’s good in a way too, as I’ll always look younger than him. And thus won’t get stupid comments that I brought my younger brother out for a movie. 

It would be good if he has a car. As I’m being spoiled by dad for ferrying us around. By the way, we are both working part-time taxi drivers for our kids. 

He must be able to help out with housework. Because I’m one lazy cow too. However, I got do my part okay. Mum used to nag at my sisters and me that unless we can guarantee that we marry a rich guy, if not, better learn to do some housework. 

Job security. Nah….. went through quite a rough patch over the last few years. Even the bulls and boars of the financial markets came and went. What more could a marriage of 10 years escape such turbulent times. 

Must like children and be willing to "bear" 2 children with me. I had more than what I asked for - with Gavin being forced to actively participate in the role of fathering - bear the children's nitty-gritty needs last 2-3 years.

And the list goes on…..

To cut the story short, I met my husband at my former workplace and we got married about 3 years later ‘cos seeing him at work every other day seems like a long courting period and the rest is just like a movie … “1 man & 2 babies”.

And God answers all my prayers, especially the last few points right up till now. It takes years and many tears, to understand that God is not there to harm us, but He has the best plans for me and my family through molding and refining us to be wiser and stronger. God works all things for the good of men.

The first 10 years of marriage had its ups and downs, in fact, every time when both of us enters into marital distress, it actually brings us to a deeper level, but it’s a choice of what we really want – a deepening of hurts or a deepening of relationships, which could improve if couples know what to expect and thus make their own choice. The initial years of staying with my mother-father-and-sister-in-laws were another set of adjustments. Sometimes, I feel it was better actually, as we both tend to tone down our quarrels. We finally got our privacy, when they shifted out 7 years later, partly due to space constraints because of the 2 growing kids. However, staying alone also has its weakness, we found it harder to control our tempers, and arguments tend to fly in front of our kids. Gavin and I went through some trying years in our 7th or 8th year (commonly known as the 7th year itch). Gavin was then a stayed home dad for about 2-3 years, in between some part-time jobs. Besides the job search/security, the children were also often factors of our quarrels. It had not been easy, especially for Gavin to let go of his ego and stay home with the objective of settling Joel, who is a difficult kid. He really puts in a lot of effort.

I really wanna thank Gavin, who in the last few years had been taking care of the house(work) and especially spending time with the kids. He ferries, bathes the kids and settles their dinner. And we began to see results from the father and son bonding. It would not be possible for me to concentrate on my heavy workload job as an events organizer, if not for that peace that I know that all will be well taken care of at home. Sometimes, I feel that I can trust my husband more with the kids alone during the weekends, than I trust myself, as my kids walk over me, knowing that I’m more lenient with them. As we celebrated our 10th anniversary, we have both learned to take things one at a time and we also got to understand each other better. Perhaps, we have aged too. One thing that I have learned is not to put high expectations on one other, including myself, but instead learning to put my trust and hope in God for His providence, faithfulness and love of knowing that He will always be there for me.

And lastly, for the KPOs – We celebrated our 10th Wedding Anniversary with the kids at IKEA cafe ..... how romantic can it be, huh? Hubby had requested a new bible, as his was torn, which shows that he has been reading His Word. :) It's something that I’ve been praying most that he would grow deep in his walk with God.

And me, haven’t learned my lesson well enough to 'ketok' him a stone or flowers on such memorable occasion, but instead went for retail therapy a few days earlier and got myself a bag. I’m happy as long as he doesn’t complain that I’m buying another bag again. If he does, I’ll just pass him the receipt of my new bag lor!

Looking forward to the next lap.